Mr Hart
by secooper87
Summary: There's a reason John Hart expected Torchwood to include a blond…


Authors Note: Chappy Chanukah everyone!

Enjoy a story with much flirting and much funness! Look back at "A Terrible Influence," and note the mention of STP. You'll hear a little more about STP in this story.

Enjoy!

* * *

A flash of light, and out stepped a heavily armed man with a smug smile, an air of superiority, and a vortex manipulator. The portal closed up behind him, and he surveyed his surroundings.

English medieval style peasantry.

And, in the distance, a very flashy-looking Medieval Style manor house.

The man took out two anachronistic guns, flipping them around his index fingers, as he proceeded towards the manor house. What the Agency didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

Time to take on a little side job.

* * *

"There!" said Seo, putting the last finishing touch on Dawn's hair, then stepping back and admiring her handiwork.

Dawn sat in the chair, in a beautiful, elegant medieval style, upper-class fancy gown, her hair all done up in braids and curls. Flashy necklaces draped across her neck. She turned to the mirror behind the vanity, and examined herself, carefully.

"Wow," said Dawn. She touched the braids along the top of her head. "I look like I should sit for a portrait, or something."

Seo clapped her hands in eager excitement. "We'll fit right in!"

Dawn turned back to Seo. She had attired herself in a much plainer outfit, a waiting maid's outfit, her own hair braided in a more simple waterfall braid — courtesy of Dawn. She had none of the splendor, none of the jewels and gems and charms, but… looking like this, with her face flushed with excitement, her eyes dancing with the promise of adventure, and her smile emphasizing the dimples in her cheeks… Dawn thought Seo looked pretty portrait-worthy, herself.

"We'll probably have better teeth," Dawn said, with a shrug. But the excitement was infectious.

A real medieval-style shopping spree!

The idea of which was basically inspired by their saving a number of medieval historians, recently, and acquiring these dresses. But it did mean that — for once — they had the correct historical knowledge, the correct clothing, the correct hairstyles, and the correct shoes.

This was, like, mega-psyche spectacular!

"But why am I a noblewoman, while you're all lower-class?" Dawn asked. She cringed, then whispered, "This isn't some over-compensation because I blew up at you about being the powerful one, right? Because I totally didn't mean it."

"No!" Seo retorted, a little too defensively for Dawn to believe it. She grinned. "But Mom said you're supposed to be the one taking care of me! Which makes you the noblewoman, and makes me the person you boss around!" Seo beamed, a bounce in her step, blond hair flying behind her, as she rushed towards Oliver's doors. "Now come on! The middle ages await!"

* * *

To their credit, they had stayed out of trouble.

For nearly thirty whole minutes!

"I'm pretty sure this is some kind of record for us," Dawn whispered to Seo, as they made their way through the bazaar. "No crazy alien stuff. No demons or vampires. And… not even a single gun!"

"I know," muttered Seo, kicking a stone across the ground, irritated. "It's rubbish."

Dawn stifled a laugh.

Seo glanced up, her eye catching something. Then leaned in and whispered, "Did you nick anything?"

"No," said Dawn, pointedly. She put on her best reprimanding-aunt face. "Did you?"

Seo's eyes just remained fixed in the distance. Staring at a peasant boy, strolling around, nearby. "So… if we haven't nicked anything, ourselves… does that mean, if we see someone else nicking things… we can chase them?"

Dawn's eyes also fixed on the peasant boy. As he walked around, looking like he owned the place. Then, at a shout from behind him, he muttered an obscenity under his breath, and raced off, cradling the sack of gold coins in his hands.

Dawn and Seo looked at one another.

Grinned.

Then raced after the peasant boy.

"Please be a demon," Dawn prayed, beneath her breath. "Please, please, please be a demon."

"Or at least an alien," Seo added. "I'm not picky."

He scurried down back-alleys, ducked between people, tried his best to lose them, but Dawn and Seo were good at this kind of thing. As two of the most notorious shoplifters and pickpockets in the Summers family, they knew all the tricks.

Seo caught up with him, first. Yanked him back, hands hooked around his arms, as he struggled.

"But… but… you're just girls!" the boy protested.

"Uh, yeah, thanks Mr. Male Chauvinist," said Dawn.

The boy tried to elbow Seo in the stomach and run off, but Seo flipped him around so he was facing her, her hands in a punishing grip around his elbows. "Stronger than I look."

The boy looked utterly lost. Opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no words came out.

"Oh, and I'll take that," said Dawn, swooping in and prying the sack of gold out of the boy's hands. She looked back at Seo. "Demon?"

Seo shook her head. "Human," she said.

"Damn." Dawn shrugged. "Okay, whatever. Let him go."

Seo did as she was told, and the boy, looking between the two, not really sure what to say or do in response to this, turned and fled.

"I am impressed," came a low, deep voice from behind them.

Dawn and Seo spun around, to find themselves face to face with a bunch of armed guys waving swords, and, following close behind, an old man with a gray beard, a black cape and elegantly tailored robes.

"To find a Lady engaged in such brave actions is no easy feat," the man said. He bowed to her. "Forgive me. I haven't introduced myself. I am Peter Bristol, assigned to take care of the Earl of Surrey's estates, when his Lordship is away. And, of course, to take care of his children."

Seo took the gold bag from Dawn, as Dawn gave a small curtsey, and Seo presented the bag to Mr. Bristol.

"The Lady Dawn," Dawn introduced. She hesitated. "Of… Somersetshire."

"The Lady of Somersetshire?" asked a young lady's voice, from not far away. With a light step, a handsomely dressed 14-year-old girlstepped into view, her face long, her skin pale yet blemish-free, her deep brown hair done up in two separate buns along the sides of her head, her eyes an almost black color, the train of her gown held by a servant, who respectfully looked away from Dawn. The gown, jewels, and make of the gown, itself, all spoke of her rank and position. "I once met someone answering to that name, once. But I was only a child, at the time, so I don't really remember much of anything. My parents' acquaintance, I believe."

One of the lady's servants took the gold sack from Seo, then retreated, with a humble bow towards Dawn.

"Lady Jane Howard, daughter to the Earl of Surrey," Janeintroduced herself.

And that was when Dawn realized… she knew who this girl looked like. Not exactly like. But enough so that… it was obvious they were related.

"Any relation to Anne Boleyn?" asked Dawn.

Jane looked at her, confused. "I'm sorry? Anne whom?"

Damn. Right. This was still Henry VII times — judging by coins and stuff. No Anne Boleyn, not yet. This was like… a mom, or a relative or something.

"Sorry, nothing," said Dawn. "Never mind." She gave a curtsey. "Pleased to meet you."

Jane stared at Dawn, a moment, not really sure what to make of her. Then she burst out laughing.

And it was only natural, at that point, that Dawn and Seo were invited to her home.

* * *

"Do you… feel that?" Seo whispered, as they arrived at the extravagant manor house where Jane lived. She helped escort Dawn to the house, but her eyes remained fixed on Jane. "There's something off about her. The… feeling in the air around her. Bitstatic." She shuddered, slightly. "Makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up."

Dawn raised her eyebrows.

She hadn't gotten any of that.

"I'm pretty sure she's famous, if it helps," Dawn muttered, back. "Like, an ancestor of Queen Elizabeth's."

Seo processed this. Her eyes still fixed on Jane.

"I asked if we could stay for a few days," Dawn put in. "You know. Because of the famous thing. Made up some story about us getting robbed and stuff." Dawn shrugged. "She said sure."

"Good," Seo muttered.

Jane, up ahead, was speaking with one of the servants, who was delivering a piece of news in a very serious manner. Jane gave a small grin, then turned to Dawn, and raced backwards.

"Lady Dawn, you seem a good judge of character," said Jane. Her eyes twinkled. "Would you care to meet my suitor?"

"Your… suitor," Dawn repeated.

"He's terribly attractive," Jane enthused, a far-off, dreamy look in her eye. "And charming. A bit gallant with a noble brow, who hasmuch landed estate, but…" The reverie wore off, as she leaned incloser to Dawn, and whispered, "despite all that, I don't think he's all he appears."

Dawn just shrugged.

She didn't know what she could do, but she guessed she might as well try.

"Perhaps it'll be best if you meet him," said Jane. Grabbing Dawn up by the hand, and leading her off into the manner house. "You and your handmaiden. Perhaps the both of you will be able to put my senses to right."

And this close, with Jane actually touching her, Dawn could feel it, too. Something… different about Jane. Like a kind of static, tingly… weirdness. Surrounding her.

"It's quite strange, really," said Jane, as she continued to race off. "Lord John appeared as if out of nowhere, a short time ago,claiming he knew my father. But I keep asking myself… can I really trust him?"

"Lord John?" Dawn asked Jane.

The only Lord John Dawn could think of was that animated lion in the Robin Hood cartoon she'd watched as a kid. Or… wait… maybe that was… King John?

"Yes," said Jane. "Lord Jonathan Meyers, of Cumberland."

Dawn stumbled over her feet, almost falling flat on her face. Her eyes wide.

"Wait, what?!" she cried.

Jane glanced back at Dawn, helping steady her. "You've heard of him, then?"

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean, I couldn't have," Dawn dismissed, as they entered the front hall of the manor house. "It's just… a weird coincidence. No one here would even would even know about that. I mean, there's absolutely no… way…"

Dawn froze, in the entryway.

Her jaw dropping.

Seo stopped, just behind her. Equally surprised.

"Well, well, well," said the man — who must be Jane's suitor —lingering in the front hall. "If it isn't the lovely Lady Jane herself. With… two…" The man paused. His eyes falling on Dawn and Seo. Clearly just as shocked as they were.

"Oh, my God," Dawn breathed.

Because Jane's suitor… looked almost exactly like Spike.


End file.
